Mothers all over Australia are tearing their hair out trying to navigate the hormonal changes happening to their once tender boys. The smelly, grunting, seemingly unreachable teenager sitting across the dinner table can feel like a far cry from the little boy who used to let her smother him with kisses. Now all he appears to want to do is eat, withdraw and disappear into his phone or gaming console. These moments are only punctuated by occasional outbursts of frustration or a grunt in the direction of a question.
I understand this. As a father, as someone who works with teenage boys, and as someone who was once a teenage boy myself, I know how baffling this season of parenting can feel. But I also know something important: beneath every sullen, monosyllabic teenage boy is a young man who is desperate for connection, for direction and for his mother’s love. He just does not know how to ask for it.
In working with teenage boys for over two decades, I have compiled my eight most important tips to help mums give their sons what they are really after. These are not quick fixes. They are principles. And when applied with patience, they can change the relationship between a mother and her son for the better.
1. Surround Him With Great Male Role Models
Boys need examples of what honourable manhood looks like
Young men naturally gravitate toward images of strength. Batman, Superman, the athlete on the poster above their bed. These are not just childhood obsessions; they are expressions of a deep inner hunger to understand what it means to be a man. As a mum, you cannot always be that model yourself, but you can be intentional about who and what you place in your son’s world.
Teach him about men who were powerful not just because of their physical strength, but because of their determination, creativity and integrity. Tell him the stories of men who faced adversity and chose character over convenience. Read him biographies of great leaders. Introduce him to coaches, mentors, uncles or family friends who embody the qualities you want him to develop.
In fact, research consistently shows that boys who have access to positive male mentors are significantly less likely to engage in destructive behaviour. You do not have to do everything alone. Part of raising a son well is knowing when to bring other great people into the picture.
2. Teach Him to Communicate How He Feels
The statistic that should stop every parent in their tracks
Ninety-three per cent of all prisoners in this country are men. I am convinced most of them are there because they never learnt to express what they were feeling before they acted on it.
Glen Gerreyn
In fact, that statistic has stayed with me for years. Ninety-three per cent. That is not an accident. That is a pattern. And it starts with boys who were never taught how to name what they were feeling, process it and communicate it in a healthy way.
When a boy cannot articulate anger, it becomes aggression. When he cannot articulate fear, it becomes avoidance. Unspoken sadness, in turn, becomes disconnection. Teaching your son emotional literacy is one of the most important things you will ever do for him, and for everyone who will ever love him or work alongside him.
So start early. When he is upset, do not just tell him to calm down. Ask him what he is feeling and help him find the words. Make your home a place where emotions are not shameful, just human. Over time, this builds the kind of young man who can handle the storms of life without being consumed by them.
3. Let Him Explore
Adventure is not a luxury for boys. It is a necessity.
Boys need to be outside. They need to explore, to wander, to get muddy, to take calculated risks and to test their limits. In our modern world, backyards have shrunk and screen time has expanded. I understand the anxiety that comes with letting boys roam freely. However, the research is clear: boys who are given age-appropriate freedom to explore outdoors develop greater confidence, resilience and problem-solving skills.
Therefore, take every chance you get to allow your son to be in nature. Let him climb the tree. Let him build the cubby house. Getting lost in the bush and finding his own way back is one of the most formative things a boy can do. These are not irresponsible acts. They are formative ones. The boy who learns to navigate the wilderness learns to navigate life.
Moreover, time outdoors away from screens gives boys the mental space to process their world. Some of the best conversations I have ever had with young men happened while we were walking, not sitting. Movement frees something in the teenage male brain. Use it.
4. Help Him Understand Right From Wrong
Do not let the media raise your son
Here is a statistic that should make every parent sit up straight. Research suggests that on average, teenage boys spend just six minutes in the presence of their fathers each day, and only 14 seconds in meaningful conversation. Yet those same boys are averaging four or more hours of screen time every single day.
In other words, the media is doing more of the parenting than the parents are. It means that the values, attitudes and ideas being absorbed by your son are largely coming from content creators, influencers and algorithms that have no interest in his character, only his attention.
There is a clear divide occurring in our communities. On one side are boys being raised by active, engaged parents who are having real conversations about values, integrity and what it means to be a good person. On the other side are boys being raised by a screen. As a mum, you get to decide which side your son is on. Do not abdicate that responsibility. Have the hard conversations. Be the voice in his life that talks about right and wrong, about respect and consequence, about the kind of man you believe he can become.
Furthermore, you do not have to have all the answers. You just have to be present, engaged and willing to keep the conversation going.
5. In His Teenage Years, Let Him Break Away
The hardest thing a mother can do is also one of the most loving
At some point during adolescence, your son will want to cut the proverbial umbilical cord. He will pull away. He will become private. Suddenly it may seem like he needs you far less than he once did. This is not rejection. This is development. And as painful as it can feel for a mother, it is a sign that something healthy is happening.
So let him. He needs to be led to the door of manhood by the significant people in his life, but he has to open that door and walk through it alone. Your job in this season shifts from leading to supporting. From directing to standing by. It takes enormous courage and trust, but it is one of the most important gifts you can give him.
Indeed, the mothers I have seen struggle most in this season are those who hold on too tightly. And I say this with deep compassion, because I have seen how hard it is. The temptation to protect him from every difficulty is real. However, the young men who grow into the most grounded, capable adults are those whose mothers knew when to step back and trust the process.
6. Affirm His Masculinity
Being masculine is something to be celebrated, not apologised for
A mother’s role in her son’s development of masculinity is profound. While a father’s role is to impart an understanding of honourable manhood, a mother’s role is to affirm it. To look her son in the eye and say: the strength and drive I see in you is a good thing. Use it well.
Being masculine, properly understood, is about being respectable, strong, kind and emotionally intelligent. It is about standing up for what is right, showing up for the people who depend on you, and taking responsibility for your choices. These are the qualities worth celebrating and encouraging.
Do not shame him for his energy, his competitiveness, his desire to build or fix or fight for something. Instead, channel those instincts toward noble purposes. Help him understand that masculinity, at its best, is not about dominance but about contribution. The world does not need fewer strong men. It needs more good ones.
Of course, this does not mean ignoring unhealthy behaviour. Affirm what is worthy. Correct what is not. But always from a place of belief in who he is and who he is capable of becoming.
7. Show Him What a Great Woman Looks Like
You are his first and most powerful example
Indeed, you are the first woman your son will love. Long before he ever goes on a date or falls for someone, he has already formed a deep impression of what women are like based on watching you. He has watched how you handle stress. He has seen how you treat people. In doing so, he has absorbed how you speak about yourself, how you persevere and how you love.
Moreover, whether you know it or not, you are setting a standard. He will, consciously or unconsciously, measure the women in his future life against the example you have given him. This is both a responsibility and an incredible opportunity.
So show him. Show him what it looks like to be a woman of courage, of grace, of resilience. Demonstrate what healthy conflict resolution looks like in real life. Show him what self-respect looks like. And show him what it means to love someone well without losing yourself in the process.
In addition, talk to him about great women. Tell him about women in history who changed the world. Point to the extraordinary women in your own community. Help him develop a reverence and respect for women that will serve him, and the people he loves, for the rest of his life.
8. Communicate With Him by Doing
Side-by-side beats face-to-face with teenage boys
If you want to connect with your teenage son, stop trying to have the conversation sitting across the table looking at each other. That is not how most boys process and share. Instead, sit down beside him. Do something together. Go for a run. Kick a ball. Play the video game. Cook together. Drive somewhere.
Indeed, I have seen this again and again in my work: when boys are engaged in a shared activity, something shifts. The walls come down. The words start coming. Things that have been locked away for weeks or months suddenly find their way out. Not in a dramatic confessional way, but in the quiet, unguarded, almost accidental way that teenage boys tend to share.
After all, be prepared for long moments of silence, punctuated by small moments of oratory brilliance. Those brief, unscripted moments are worth everything. And they almost never happen at the kitchen table. They happen in motion, in shared experience, in the ordinary moments of life lived alongside each other.
Therefore, put the agenda down. Stop trying to engineer the conversation. Show up, be present, do something together and let him come to you in his own time. He will. I promise you, he will.
A Final Word to Every Mum
You are doing better than you know
Let me say something to every mother reading this. You are doing a fantastic job. Raising a son in this world is genuinely hard, and the fact that you are here, reading this, looking for ways to love him better, says everything about the kind of mother you are.
Finally, remember that as grown-up as he might seem, he is still a kid. He will occasionally say and do stupid things. He will test your patience in ways you never thought possible. But when he is sick, hurt or in trouble, there is one person he will want. Not his friends. Not his teammates. You. His mum.
In truth, you are without question one of the most important people in his life. He may not always show it, but he feels it. And one day, when the hormones settle and the walls come down and he is standing tall as a man, he will know it too.
Want to bring this message to your school community? I deliver powerful, values-driven presentations to students, parents and staff across Australia. Book a school presentation or visit The HopeFULL Institute to learn more.