As a parent, you are already doing something remarkable. These five positive parenting ideas have shaped how I raise my own children. Over years of working with thousands of students and families across hundreds of schools, I have seen what truly makes a difference. Whether you are choosing a school for your child or navigating the teenage years, these ideas will help you raise your children with confidence, resilience and hope.
1. Give Your Child a Vision
There tends to be a great deal of anxiety about parenting in today’s modern world. Parents ask themselves questions like these: Am I giving my child the best chance? Am I choosing the right school? Can I keep them safe online? The reality is that most parents are doing the best they know how. When they know better, they do better. Thank you, Oprah.
One of the most powerful positive parenting ideas I know is drawn from an ancient Hebrew poem. It reads: “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.” However, an arrow is purposeless unless it is aimed somewhere. Likewise, you have to point your children in a direction for them to become effective. The place you point them may not be their final destination, but each step prepares them for their journey.
Identify strengths, not just errors
My foremost job as a parent is not to point out my child’s errors. On most days, that would be easy to do. Instead, my job is to identify their strengths and help them use those strengths to run their life. This is the far more difficult and perceptive task. Furthermore, this strength-driven approach builds self-confidence and creates fulfilment that lasts well beyond childhood.
From the time my children were born, I was always looking for traits that could unlock future potential. There are always hints as to the inclinations a child might possess. However, it takes an engaged parent to identify and nurture them. Their inclinations may not be the same as yours. Let them run their own race. Avoid trying to live out your unfulfilled dreams through them.
Expose them to diverse experiences
Another key way to help identify a vision is by exposing your child to a wide range of activities and experiences. Then watch what resonates and engages their heart and soul. In fact, this kind of intentional exposure draws out strengths that might otherwise remain unseen. When choosing a school, look for one that offers breadth of opportunity. The right environment can be the catalyst that unlocks your child’s potential.
2. Encourage Them Every Day
I work with teenagers every day. One of the things that saddens me most is how many say they have never heard a parent tell them they are proud of them. It seems easier to encourage a baby or a young child. However, with all the emotional outbursts and hormonal surges of adolescence, compliments may not come as easily. As parents, it is essential that we praise even the slightest hint of the behaviours we want to see flourish.
Fill their cup before they face the world
Some parents have said to me, “If I praise them too often, it won’t mean much.” The reality is that much of the world is intent on ridiculing and undermining your teenager. This is especially true in the pressure cooker of social media. Therefore, before they go out and face the world, make sure their cup is filled with encouragement, hope and optimism. Keep talking with your children about everything. Make no conversation off limits, so when they bring difficult news, they know you will listen without losing it.
We are only as happy as our saddest child.
Old folk saying
The best method of encouragement is to applaud the process rather than just the outcome. Honour the means, not only the trophy. Celebrate the early mornings and late nights. Celebrate the times they listened to their coach and made necessary sacrifices. Moreover, when teenagers feel the genuine support of a loving parent, they have the confidence to withstand the taunts of others and keep pressing forward.
3. Be Where You Are
Have you ever attended a gathering where the person you were speaking to was clearly distracted? They were scanning the room for someone more important to talk to. It feels pretty insignificant. That is exactly how our children feel when they are trying to talk to us and we are scrolling our phones or flicking through channels, even if we are physically in the same room.
Smartphones: powerful but dangerous for presence
Have you ever lost your phone and then completely lost your mind? You know that moment where you scream out, “Has anyone seen my phone?!” Have you ever checked your phone at a red light, even though you know it is against the law? Of course, we know better, and yet we just cannot help ourselves. These devices are incredibly powerful, but sometimes they end up owning us.
So much of our attention goes to meaningless things while the important things are often ignored. Parents may not know who their kids are spending time with, but can know what someone they went to school with ate for breakfast this morning. Our smartphones are powerful tools for global connection and, at the same time, deeply harmful to daily presence and family connection.
Set boundaries around device use
To be where you are, it helps to place boundaries around your smartphone use. A mantra my wife and I try to live by is “phones down when the kids are around.” In addition, I have restricted my social media use to a specific time window each day. If I do not check it in that window, I do not check it at all. Small adjustments to how we use devices can and will improve our relationships exponentially. After all, the most important people in your life deserve your full attention.
4. Teach Them How to Fail
One of the most important positive parenting ideas I can share is this: teach your children how to fail well. I know a girl who battled with depression because she could not forgive herself for a mistake she made years earlier. Failure, handled well, is not the end. It is part of the process of becoming.
Share your own failures
The best way to teach our children how to fail is by sharing our own failures with them. Share the stories of how things did not go to plan when you were going through adolescence, and yet you still made it through. You have been there before. Show them they are not alone, and that they are strong enough to overcome any obstacle. Indeed, your vulnerability gives them permission to be human.
Do not be the parent who rushes to the school to sort out every problem. Talk them through strategies and empower them to fight their own battles. The term for a parent who clears all obstacles from their child’s path is a “snowplough parent.” Nevertheless, never allowing them to fail does not develop resilience or grit. As a result, they reach adulthood without the tools they need to cope. It is not what you leave to your kids that makes them great. It is the deposit you leave in them. Be a shining example to show them that failure is not fatal.
Resilience is built, not given
Research from the American Psychological Association confirms that resilience is not a trait people either have or do not have. Rather, it involves behaviours, thoughts and actions that can be learned and developed. In other words, every time we allow our children to navigate a challenge, we build a resource they will draw on for life. When choosing a school, look for one that prioritises social-emotional learning and real opportunities to develop resilience.
5. Make the House a Haven
Home should be a sacred and protected place. As much as possible, no matter what happens, we should never tell our children to “get out.” Home needs to be a safe haven and a place of refuge. In short, it should be the one place in the world where your child knows they are unconditionally accepted.
Mercy, consequences and connection
My children are going to make mistakes, mess up and do dumb things. Your children are going to do the same. How can I be so sure? Because when you and I were their age, we all made mistakes, messed up and did dumb things. Nevertheless, no matter what they do, our children need to know that when they come home they will receive mercy and forgiveness. Yes, there may be consequences, but the goal is always for your child to be healed and restored. Together as a family, you can face the world as a united front.
This family unit you have created is a tribe. There should be no obstacle so great that it can destroy the harmony of your family. It is a choice we can all make to ensure our family bond remains unbreakable. Above all, your child needs to know that home is always safe, that your love is always unconditional, and that they always have a place where they belong.
You are doing a fantastic job
Just in case nobody has told you lately, let me say to every parent reading this: you are doing a fantastic job. Your kids may, from time to time, ignore you and challenge you, but when they are sick, hurt or in trouble, they do not want their friends. They want you. Nobody can restore and empower their heart and soul the way you can. You are truly the most important people in their lives, even when they do not show it.
Want to bring these positive parenting ideas into your school community? Glen Gerreyn delivers powerful seminars on parenting, resilience and hope for school communities across Australia. Book a school seminar or visit The HopeFULL Institute to learn more.