Every week, I stand in front of hundreds of students and tell them to dream big, to keep going, and to never give up on hope. I believe every word I say. But what happens when life hits back hard, and I find myself struggling to follow my own advice?
“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.”
Peter Drucker
Over the years, there have been moments when my own hope tank has run low. Times when the weight of personal challenges, professional setbacks and the relentless pressure of life have left me feeling depleted. In those moments, I go back to basics. I go back to practising what I preach.
Here are seven non-negotiables I return to when hope feels out of reach. Because if there is one thing I am certain of, it is this: even though somewhere, somehow, we lose our way to hope, hope never loses its way back to us.
1. Act With Hope, Not Just Belief
One of the traps I have seen students fall into, and one I have fallen into myself, is believing that our feelings define our reality. They do not. We cannot fall into the trap of believing everything we feel.
Feelings are not facts. You might feel hopeless, useless or worthless, but that does not mean you are. Susan David in her book Emotional Agility said, “Emotions are data, not directions.” Our emotions give us information, but we should not allow them to direct our lives.
There is a difference between what you believe and how you act on that belief. You can say you believe love is the most powerful force on the planet, but if you do not engage with people in a loving way, it means nothing. What matters is how you interact with the world, not simply what you believe.
Act with hope, act with love, act with meaning, and in doing so you will change the way you feel. We can act ourselves into a new way of feeling much quicker than we can feel ourselves into a new way of acting.
2. Be Careful What You Say
The words we use each day are incredibly powerful. They set our expectations, send messages to our brains and affect our biology. We talk to ourselves every day, and all that self-talk creates an abundance of data which constructs either boundaries or openings in our mind.
Abraham Joshua Heschel said, “Words create worlds.” Higher quality discourse generates higher quality reality. Language shapes our frame of reference, and so we can orientate the trajectory of our lives by choosing our words more carefully.
When used negatively, words can damage the mind and close off possibilities. When used with intention, they can enlighten and inspire. Words are our means of communicating our thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams. Specifically, the words we speak to ourselves are worth treating as precious cargo, consigned to a favourable destination.
3. Find a Way to Laugh
It is scientifically proven that laughter is good medicine. It relieves tension, boosts your immune system and shifts perspective in ways that logic often cannot. Deepak Chopra said, “The healthiest response to life is laughter.”
Whether it is watching something that makes you smile, sharing a joke with a friend, or finding lightness in an ordinary moment, make laughter a deliberate part of your day. It is a declaration of joy that wells up from the deepest recesses of who you are and cleanses you of the day’s worries.
Laughter makes the stress and pain of life more bearable. Consequently, it strengthens us with the resolve to make the future better. Do not underestimate it as a tool for resilience.
4. Guard What You Let Into Your Boat
All the water in all the oceans cannot sink a ship unless the water gets in. The same is true of the mind. Fear, doubt and despair are ever-present in the world around us. However, they only become destructive when we let them in.
Jon Kabat-Zinn, a leading mindfulness researcher, said, “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” Pay attention to what you are allowing into your thinking, and use that awareness to your advantage.
There will always be people who seem more talented, smarter or further ahead. Rather, the goal is not to compete with them but to rise above your own circumstances. To grow weeds in a garden, all you have to do is nothing. Weeds (negative thoughts) grow automatically. But to plant a tree takes a decision. You have to decide to be positive, and then keep making that decision.
5. Go From What Is Wrong to What Is Strong
When I feel emotionally bankrupt, the one thing that reliably gets me out of the funk is to shift my attention from what is wrong to what is strong. Indeed, this is one of the most powerful moves available to any of us at any time.
When we focus on and use our strengths, our days become more meaningful. The outcome is the recognition that our lives matter, that they are coherent and make sense. Serena Williams said, “There’s one thing I’m really good at and that’s hitting the ball over a net, in a box. I’m excellent at that.” Tangible confidence comes from knowing what you do well and doing it.
Stay in your lane. Hope is the voice that reminds you that you can be stronger, brighter and more capable than you currently realise.
6. Fill Yourself With Gratitude
Our inclination towards a negative bias means we pay way too much attention to what is not working and lean towards judgement, blame and criticism. Gratitude is the antidote. It shifts our attention from scarcity to abundance, from complaint to appreciation.
Here is a story I often share with students that captures this idea perfectly:
An entrepreneur was on holiday in a small coastal village when he wandered down to the dock. He saw a fisherman with a small boat full of large, fresh fish. Impressed, he asked how long it had taken to catch them.
“Only a little while,” the fisherman replied.
The entrepreneur asked why he did not stay out longer and catch more. The fisherman said he had enough to support his family. The entrepreneur then asked what he did with the rest of his time.
“I sleep in late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, and stroll to the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my friends,” the fisherman replied. “I have a full and busy life.”
The entrepreneur said he could help him build a fishing empire, scaling up to a fleet and eventually an international cannery. “In 20 to 30 years, you could sell the company, make millions and retire,” he said.
“And then what?” asked the fisherman.
“Then you could move to a small coastal village, sleep in late, fish a little, play with your grandchildren, take a siesta with your wife, and spend your evenings playing guitar with your friends.”
The old Buddhist proverb says it simply: “Enough is a feast.” Be thankful for where you are and what you have. Of course, this does not mean abandoning ambition. In contrast, it means anchoring your wellbeing in the present rather than deferring your happiness to some imagined future.
7. Focus on Service
Whenever I feel moments of hopelessness, it usually stems from excessive self-focus. There are times when it is necessary to reflect. But dwelling for too long on things that cannot be changed leads to misery. Similarly, navel-gazing is myopic and self-defeating.
When I switch my attention to how I can be of service to others, the whole world opens up. Research consistently shows that serving others makes you happier and healthier. The ripple effect of a single act of service has the potential to reach countless lives.
I might not always be able to reach people in person, but I can write, connect, encourage and show up in a myriad of ways. Moreover, serving those in your sphere of influence makes the world a better place. Keep reaching out, and watch as your own wellbeing grows in the process.
Practising what I preach is not about pretending everything is fine. It is about returning, again and again, to the habits and mindsets that make hope possible. Even motivational speakers take a hit from time to time. What matters is how you respond.
Want to bring this message to your school? I deliver powerful, values-driven presentations to students across Australia. Book a school presentation or visit The HopeFULL Institute to learn more.